Sep-14-2001 Seeking a brief respite from the constant barrage of news on the television and the questions, fears, and rage within myself, I seek the solace of my pond and garden. Ferociously I pull the weeds that have sprouted as I sat glued to the television for news and fearfully or angrily discussed events with my friends. But as time passes the smell of growing things and the warm sun on my back begins to work it's magic. The weeds are pulled with less and less violence. My mind starts drifting to more peaceful things. As I get nearer to the pond, the bubbling and splashing of the waterfall and fountains complete the task; and I lay on my stomach at the edge of pond, my hand trailing in the water, watching the koi gliding slowly around the pond or nibbling at my fingers in search of food. In my mind I hear shouts of joy and the laughter of friends overlaying the quiet sounds of nature. I see their faces as they visit here, laughing, playing, crying, seriously discussing issues, sharing pictures of their loved ones and their lives, free to open their hearts and minds among friends who care. I smile at my memories; and I know how we have all been raped by Tuesday's attack, what has been taken from us. And the tears that would not fall begin. Hot tears and gut wrentching sobs, cries of anger and disbelief, until I think it will never stop, that I cannot stop.

I awaken hours later to a clear sky filled with brilliant stars, a crescent moon peeking over the tree tops. An owl hoots nearby; and faintly I hear the echos of laughter from the porch or maybe from the hot tub. Echos of laughter from BEFORE; and I KNOW that this is the time to fight. That this freedom to be safe in my own home, to do and be and talk and think as I will must be preserved and strengthened for myself, my friends, and the generations to follow us. There will be more pain, more fear and doubt, more anger; but they are nothing in comparison to what could be lost if we don't take a stand right now.

Sep-18-2001 Finally I know that it is finished. I upload "My Country My World"; and sit looking at the fruits of the last days and hours. In the days and weeks and months to come I don't ever want to forget what I am feeling today, what it feels like to me today to be this American. I have regained my inner peace after days of weeping and raging; and it feels mighty good. Not even bothering to close the connection, I get up and step out onto the porch. The rain has stopped; but the whole world is still and waiting. Smiling, I reach inside the door and walk down to the pond to feed the fish.

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This page begun on 03 Feb 2002.       Daydreamer 2002-2004

Email:   Daydreamer@DaydreamersGarden.net